Shoot Your Own Men! [And Other Weird Ways to Play]
by Dan Gutman
[Appeared in the December/January 1984 issue of "Computer Games"]

        One day, while in the middle of a wicked game of Choplifter, I grew
weary of rescuing the hostages. I thought, why can't these guys take care of
themselves once in while? Who appointed me guardian of democracy, anyway?
I've got enough problems without having to risk my life for a bunch of
pathetic guys who can only stand there and wave. So I did the only rational
thing under the circumstances--I started killing them. One by one I blew
my own men away, and I felt little or no remorse. When the last hostage
died, the game was over and I had lost. I hadn't scored a single point,
but I felt good. . . in a perverse sort of way.
        No matter how good a game is, after awhile you're going to either
master it or get tired of playing it. When this happens, you can extend
the life of the game and still have fun with it by playing the game in a
different way. Shooting your own men in games like Choplifter, Defender
and Protector is just one way.

Changing the Rules

        Nobody ever said you have the follow the manufacturer's instructions
when you play a game, either at home or in the arcade. Forget what you're
supposed to do and make up your own rules. In Pac-Man, for instance, don't
bother trying to clear the boards and score a lot of points. See if you
can eat every dot on the playfield without touching any of the power pills.
Or lead the ghosts all over the board on a wild goose chase and see how long
you can stay alive.
        Some games, like Dig Dug, Mr. Do, Qix and CBS Electronics' Boulders
and Bombs, allow you to move an object across the playfield, leaving
a path on the screen. Though the object is to dig these tunnels in order
to achieve some other goal, you may prefer to take the opportunity to
write your name or a more provocative message on the screen. This can be an
even more difficult task than the real objective.
        Infocom's spectacular all-text computer games are unique in that you
type complete sentances into the program. So, after you've given up for the
night trying to find out who the murderer is in Deadline or The Witness,
have some fun with the computer. Tell it a joke. Insult it. Type in a 
sentence that makes no sense. The program's sophisticated parser, which
interprets your sentences, has been programmer to handle such oddities,
and the computer's responses may be interesting. Witness The Witness. . .

        Witness: On the north wall is a lounge, upholstered in green velvet 
        and a bit lumpy, with a framed wood-block picture hanging over it. 
        On the outside wall, next to a door and window, stands a grand-
        father clock, ticking relentlessly. The door to the interior hallway 
        is open. A cat is sleeping in the corner. Linder sits down in the 
        carved chair. What next?
        
        Me: Arrest the cat.
 
        Witness: For what? You have no evidence of a crime yet.
        
        Me: Shoot the cat.
        
        Witness: Sure, you probably need to sharpen your eye, but a cat is 
        a lousy target. 
 
        Me: Sit down on the cat.
        
        Witness: That isn't something to sit on!
        
        Me: Go to the kitchen.
 
        Witness: The Linder kitchen is full of electric appliances: range 
        and hood, refrigerator, mixer, toaster, and so on. Severe white steel 
        cabinets make for plenty of storage space. To the north is the dining 
        room. Phong is here, opening a can of worms.
 
        Me: Eat the worms.
        
        Witness: This case is tangled enough already. 
 
        Me: Handcuff Phong to refrigerator.
 
        Witness: That won't do any good.
 
        Me: Put Phong in the refrigerator.
 
        Witness: That would be a mistake. 

        Who cares who shot Linder anyway?

Handicap Yourself
 
        When a game gets too easy and you can glide through the highest 
difficulty level, the only way to be challenged is to handicap yourself. I'm 
not saying you should put ten-pound weights on your joystick hand. That would 
turn a fun game into work. There are better ways to put yourself at a 
disadvantage. 
        Impair your vision. Try this--cover the bottom four inches of your 
TV screen with opaque paper. Pick out your Space Invaders, Galaxian or some 
other bottom-shooting game. Without seeing your own ship on the screen, you 
will have to play the game using just your sense of distance and bullet 
location as guides. You can make things even harder on yourself--play the 
game while looking in a mirror. Everything, of course, will be reversed.
You'll move left and the object on the screen will move right. If your TV set 
or monitor can stand it, you might want to turn it upside down and play that 
way. That will really drive you nuts.
        The ultimate is to remove all visual stimuli entirely--play a game 
blind-folded. Forget about eye/hand coordination. Now it is the player with 
the best memory who is the winner. Where is that tank? How far to the right 
can I go before I fall into the alligator-filled swamp? Which screen am I on? 
You've got to form a mental picture.
        If mental pictures are too tough, have a partner tell you what to do 
while you remain blindfolded. This works particularly well for maze games 
like Ms. Pac-Man, where your choices are simple and limited. You sit there 
moving the joystick while your partner watches the screen and instructs, 
"up," "down," "left," "right," or "back up!" This can be a riot if you've got 
three or four people all shouting instructions to you at once.

Ghandi Plays Video Games
 
        Let's say you're the neighborhood Zaxxon champ. Would you still reign 
supreme if we neutralized your firing button? Playing shoot-'em-ups without 
shooting is kind of like playing ping-pong without a paddle-difficult, but 
fun. Your mission is not to kill the aliens, but to fly around annoying them 
and see how long you can survive. Think of it as non-violent passive 
resistance--it's against your moral principles to use weapons in video game 
warfare. You won't score many points this way, but at least you'll get a lot 
of respect. Who knows, maybe you can shame the enemy into surrendering.
        To take the opposite approach, instead of trying to win the game or 
prolong it, try to see how fast you can lose. Don't laugh. Losing all your 
Centipede lives in less than ten seconds can be as difficult as scoring 
100,000 points in the game. For these timed contests, you should use a good 
stopwatch.

Secret Messages
        
        Maybe you remember some of the Beatles' later albums, when they were 
inserting hidden messages in their songs. I still remember how terrified I 
was when I played Revolution #9 backwards and heard the words, "Turn me on, 
dead man. Turn me on, dead man . . ." In the 1980s, video game designers are
no less mischievous. By playing certain games in unusual ways, sharp-eyed 
players have uncovered numerous clues, messages and program quirks that the
designer had "planted" there. Designers call this "Easter egging." Here are 
a few thst have been found . . . 
        * Yar's Revenge: After a few screens, if you destroy a swirl in 
        mid-air and fly up the back line while firing, you will see the
        initials HSWWSH.
        * Missile Command: On game 13, if you let all the missiles fall 
        without firing, the initials R.F. will appear on the bottom-right 
        of the screen.
        * Adventure: On game two, difficulty level B, if you complete a 
        complicated series of maneuvers and pick up the Transmolecular dot, 
        it will say, "Created by Warren Robinett."
        
        A computer program can be incredibly complex. Who knows what secret 
messages are out there waiting to be discovered? Imagine this--as a video 
game designer is being kidnapped, he leaves a cryptic message in the code of 
his game. The kidnapping is in all the papers, and the police are baffled. 
Playing the game at home, you happen to hit the color/b&w switch accidentally 
and the screen reads, "176 Norman Road." You take this information to the 
police, they track down the kidnappers and save the designer. You become a 
national hero and a major studio turns the incident into a movie, which is 
subsequently made into a video game. It could happen. 
        
It's How You Play The Game

        That story is a little farfetched, but here's the point: the main 
attraction of video games is that we don't just passively watch the screen, 
we can interact with it. Use your creativity in this interaction. Sure the 
games are fun when you play them correctly and skillfully. But it's also fun 
to pick up your men and drop them into volcanoes (Protector II) or watch
what happens when the bulldozers run you over (Preppie). In video games, as 
in all sporting competition, it's not whether you win or lose, but how you 
play the game. 

[Scanned and edited by Dennis Brown, dgbrown (at) pixesthesia (dot) com]